When I left off with "My Story" in my last blog post, I had gotten up to the age of six years old. In this post, I will cover a few more years of my childhood. If you have not read the previous entries in the "My Story" series, I have included links to them at the bottom of this post.
As I mentioned in my last post, I became an avid reader at a very young age. I enjoyed fiction the most (and I would read fiction in a variety of subjects), though I was also known to take an interest in reading from the encyclopedia and other types of non-fiction. Usually, once I picked up a book, I didn't want to put it down.
I can recall experiences from my childhood that I was more interested in reading than in playing with friends. If I was involved in a book when a friend came by, I'd more often than not want to continue what I was reading rather than play with my friend.
I did well enough in school in Kindergarten and first grade, though I definitely had an active imagination. And it was very easy for me to get lost in my imagination when I was supposed to be focused on something else. My first grade teacher once had a conversation with my mom about that, and she also spoke of at times seeing me just stare at my pencil for periods of time, probably trying to figure out how the lead was put in there.
Once I entered second grade, being able to focus on school work started to become more of a problem, as I would still find it very easy to get lost in my imagination when I was supposed to be focused on something else. When it came to assignments involving reading, including a class competition for reading, I did very well (in fact, I spent more time reading at home than all but one other person in the class). Though when it came to other assignments, I would get distracted rather easily. I remember charts kept in class tracking our progress in completing various types of assignments, and I was almost always behind nearly everyone else in the class.
Shortly after finishing second grade, I was diagnosed by my pediatrician as having Attention Deficit Disorder. Shortly after starting third grade, I started taking a low dose of Ritalin. This was long before extended release versions were available, and I remember having to stop by the office at lunch every day to take my second dose of the day.
The difference in my ability to focus from before I started taking medication was like night and day. I was now able to focus on my school work and much more easily complete assignments. When I was in third grade, my school separated students into different classes for math and English based on what level they were at. I met with my former 2nd grade teacher for English, and she noticed the difference firsthand.
I continued to do well in fourth grade, remaining near the top of my grade level in reading, and at average or slightly above in most other subjects. I also continued to do well as far as citizenship grades went. I was definitely an introvert during my childhood, and it was almost unheard of for me to be disciplined in school for any behavior problems.
Though Jaron and Evan (mentioned in my previous post) remained my closest friends throughout my childhood, I do recall making other friends during my early years in school. There was Dylan that lived down the street that I was close to for a couple of years, until his family moved away. There was Derek that I met in school, and formed a friendship with due to some of our common interests. And there was Don that lived a few streets away that I was also close friends with for a period of time. Throughout most of my childhood, I was also close to my cousin Lance, who was only a month older than me.
I also had several female friends, one of which lived in the neighborhood for a few years. She was the same age as me, and we were also in the same grade in school. At about the age of seven, it was from this girl that I received my first real introduction to the differences between boys and girls. As this is the only experience of this type in my childhood that had involved any kind of touch, it is something that has stuck with me through the years.
We did not go on too many trips or vacations when I was younger (other than an occasional overnight camping trip, or sometimes staying overnight with my uncle and his family in Wyoming that lived about two hours away), so the few trips that we did take stick out to me.
My first big vacation that I can remember was when I was nine. My grandparents took me, my brother Matt, and my cousin Lance on a road trip. We first stopped in Reno, where we stayed at Circus Circus (which as kids, we thoroughly enjoyed), and then went on to the Bay Area where we stayed for several days with my aunt and uncle. While we were there we visited San Francisco, some some other sites in the Bay Area, and (for us three boys) had our first experience playing on the beach.
The only other vacation I went on during my childhood was about a year later when I was ten. My dad (who at the time did contract work as a drywaller) was offered a job in southern California, and so my parents made it into a vacation for us. We first drove down and stayed in Boulder, NV, where we got to tour the Hoover Dam. After staying there for a day or two, we then drove down to the L.A. area where we went to Disneyland, Knott's Berry Farm, Univeral Studios, as well as another trip to the beach.
One other event of importance during this time of my life was my baptism. About two weeks after my eighth birthday, I was baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Though I had attended church with my parents before this, and continued to do so afterward, this has remained an important milestone in my life.
* * * * *
My Story -Part 1
My Story -Part 2
My Story -Part 3
My Story -Part 4
I am now up to about the age of ten, and once again, this feels like a good stopping point. Stay tuned for future blog posts in which I will continue my story.
As always, feel free to leave comments or ask questions, whether here on the blog, or by sending me a private message.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Monday, May 6, 2013
My Story -Part 4
It's been a couple of months since my last installment of the "My Story" series. Most of the series so far has consisted of introductions to members of my family. This post will resume the sharing of my story. If you have not yet read the previous installments of "My Story," I have included links to them at the end of this post.
As I mentioned earlier in this series, my earliest memories begin around the time I was two years old, which also coincides with the birth of my brother Matt.
My dad has told the story of the day my brother was born. While my mom was in the hospital, and he was at home with me, I made a mess by dumping a ten pound container of sugar all over the kitchen floor. I actually remember this, though it wasn't until much later in life that I made the connection that this was the same day that my brother was born.
Being so close in age, Matt and I were pretty close growing up. We often shared a bedroom and we did a lot of stuff together. And as is often the case with little brothers, he was also good at annoying me (though just as often unintentionally as not), most often wanting to do things with me that I either wanted to do by myself or with my own friends. Though we had many of the same problems that most brothers do, overall we did get along pretty well.
My best friends during my childhood were also my closest neighbors. There was Jaron, who lived across the street from me and was born eight days after me. And there was Evan, who lived next door, and was about six months younger than me. I saw more of Jaron as we were in the same grade in school, though as we got older, our interests diverged. Evan and I tended to have more common interests growing up, and so we would often play together when we were younger, though we were a grade apart in school.
I was very sensitive as a child. I both have been told this by my parents and I have memories of it as well. It would take very little to get me upset over something, usually resulting in me crying. When this happened in public, there were times I got teased or laughed at. I believe that this played a role in shaping my interactions with others when I got older. To avoid negative reactions from others, I often remained quiet, withdrawn and closed off, as a defense against letting others get close enough to me emotionally to hurt me. I would often open up more as I got to know someone better, but early on, I would usually be very shy and introverted.
As I mentioned before, when I was younger my mom taught pre-school in our home. I attended it for two years before I started kindergarten. Being the teacher's son, I think I often got away with more than I should have. I recall at times claiming I felt "tired" as an excuse to go to my room and play.
I also recall experiencing separation anxiety from my mom when I first started kindergarten. I'm sure I wasn't the only five-year-old to experience this, but I can recall not wanting my mom to leave me with strangers I didn't know. Though I was able to adapt pretty quickly, it has left me with a clear memory of my first day of kindergarten. This is one of the first memories I have of the social anxiety that has endured with me into adulthood.
I was also a quick learner. I learned to read rather quickly (having a mother that was also a teacher, and had materials for young children definitely helped). I believe that it was during my first couple of years of elementary school that I developed the love of reading and learning.
* * * * *
My Story -Part 1
My Story -Part 2
My Story -Part 3
Though I have only gotten up to about age six, due to time and space constraints, this seems to be a good place to stop. I plan on continuing with another segment of this series in my next blog post in two weeks.
As always, feel free to leave comments or to ask questions, whether directly on my blog, on the Facebook link, or by sending me a private message.
As I mentioned earlier in this series, my earliest memories begin around the time I was two years old, which also coincides with the birth of my brother Matt.
My dad has told the story of the day my brother was born. While my mom was in the hospital, and he was at home with me, I made a mess by dumping a ten pound container of sugar all over the kitchen floor. I actually remember this, though it wasn't until much later in life that I made the connection that this was the same day that my brother was born.
Being so close in age, Matt and I were pretty close growing up. We often shared a bedroom and we did a lot of stuff together. And as is often the case with little brothers, he was also good at annoying me (though just as often unintentionally as not), most often wanting to do things with me that I either wanted to do by myself or with my own friends. Though we had many of the same problems that most brothers do, overall we did get along pretty well.
My best friends during my childhood were also my closest neighbors. There was Jaron, who lived across the street from me and was born eight days after me. And there was Evan, who lived next door, and was about six months younger than me. I saw more of Jaron as we were in the same grade in school, though as we got older, our interests diverged. Evan and I tended to have more common interests growing up, and so we would often play together when we were younger, though we were a grade apart in school.
I was very sensitive as a child. I both have been told this by my parents and I have memories of it as well. It would take very little to get me upset over something, usually resulting in me crying. When this happened in public, there were times I got teased or laughed at. I believe that this played a role in shaping my interactions with others when I got older. To avoid negative reactions from others, I often remained quiet, withdrawn and closed off, as a defense against letting others get close enough to me emotionally to hurt me. I would often open up more as I got to know someone better, but early on, I would usually be very shy and introverted.
As I mentioned before, when I was younger my mom taught pre-school in our home. I attended it for two years before I started kindergarten. Being the teacher's son, I think I often got away with more than I should have. I recall at times claiming I felt "tired" as an excuse to go to my room and play.
I also recall experiencing separation anxiety from my mom when I first started kindergarten. I'm sure I wasn't the only five-year-old to experience this, but I can recall not wanting my mom to leave me with strangers I didn't know. Though I was able to adapt pretty quickly, it has left me with a clear memory of my first day of kindergarten. This is one of the first memories I have of the social anxiety that has endured with me into adulthood.
I was also a quick learner. I learned to read rather quickly (having a mother that was also a teacher, and had materials for young children definitely helped). I believe that it was during my first couple of years of elementary school that I developed the love of reading and learning.
* * * * *
My Story -Part 1
My Story -Part 2
My Story -Part 3
Though I have only gotten up to about age six, due to time and space constraints, this seems to be a good place to stop. I plan on continuing with another segment of this series in my next blog post in two weeks.
As always, feel free to leave comments or to ask questions, whether directly on my blog, on the Facebook link, or by sending me a private message.
Monday, April 22, 2013
One Year Later
Ten days ago marked the passing of one year since a significant event in my life. On April 12, 2012, I published a letter to my profile wall on Facebook in which I came out publicly about my sexual orientation. I shared in a blog post last summer about my reasons for coming out, as well as the response I got after doing so.
Now that a year has passed since I went public about my sexuality, I want to share what my life is like now.
When I initially came out a year ago, I was deliberately vague about the choices I was making around my sexuality. First, that was not the reason I was opening up about my sexuality. Second, at the time I didn't want to post something divisive, as I have a large group of friends that have varied opinions on what the most appropriate way is to respond to one's sexual orientation. And third, I was trying to minimize possible personal rejection.
In response to the first reason, enough time has passed that my reasons for being open about my sexuality should no longer be confused with my choices around my sexuality. Second, since starting this blog, I have posted about several different topics that tend to be controversial and divisive, and the dialogue to these posts has remained respectful. Third, while coming out about my sexuality a year ago was a big step in authenticity for me, I've found that I've continued to let fear hold me back from being fully authentic about my life choices regarding my sexuality. I've long known that the best way to overcome fear is to step into it. And that is what I am doing with this post.
At the time I came out, I was trying to maintain a balance between my sexuality and my spirituality/religious beliefs. I viewed both as being a part of who I am. I had been exploring my attractions to men in ways that I had never really allowed myself to in the past. While at the same time, I was still occasionally attending church, and maintaining a link to my Mormon beliefs that were also part of who I was.
I had some well-meaning friends that encouraged me to leave my LDS faith behind. To that I responded that I could no more cut off the part of me that was LDS than I could cut off my arm. It's true that technically I could do it, but it would leave me mutilated and incomplete. It would be cutting off part of who I was, and I wasn't willing to do it.
For the past year, I'd been maintaining this balance. On the one side, I was dating men and exploring the possibility of a relationship with a man. On the other side, I was attending church, and keeping my connection to my LDS faith. The balance was working at the time, though I was under no illusion that it was a permanent solution.
From time to time, I'd experience what is known in psychology terms as cognitive dissonance. My actions were not matching my beliefs and I felt conflicted. The one thing that did keep me going was my belief in a God that was a loving father that loved me regardless of my actions. I never felt certain that He approved of all of my choices, but I was certain that He loved me.
At the time that I came out, I was dating another man. I had discussed with him early on where I was at, and he let me know that he supported me finding what worked best for me, even if that didn't involve a relationship with him. I appreciated the freedom to explore what worked best for me.
During this same time period, I started meeting with a counselor that a couple of different friends had recommended to me to work through the internal conflict that I had been experiencing. She had no agenda as far as which path was best for me to take. She only wanted to help me find what was best for me.
After meeting with her for a few months, I finally did come to a place of clarity, and decided what path was best for me. We had explored the possibilities for me of going down several different paths. The one that brought me the most peace and held the least amount of conflict and anxiety was living according to my LDS beliefs.
Shortly after, I spoke with the man I had been dating, and shared with him what I had discovered, and told him of my decision to return to full activity in the LDS Church. As he told me he would before, he supported my decision. I also shared with several other close friends, and soon opened up to the bishop of the ward I lived in, and began working with him to progress towards my goals of being fully active and in good standing in the Church.
The path I have chosen has not always been smooth, and there have been times that that I have questioned whether it was what I really wanted. But I have always felt guided back to it, and I believe that it is the path that is best for me and will bring me the most peace.
I have a lot of friends that are also sexual minorities. There is great variety in how each has chosen to respond to their sexuality. I respect the right of each of them to decide what is the best and most authentic way to live their lives, and I offer each of them my support as they do so. I am grateful for the friends and family that showed me this same love and support during my journey as I found my path.
When I came out a year ago, bisexual was the term that felt best for me. I am still comfortable using it even though I am now celibate and will likely remain so for some time. But I am also comfortable using the term SSA. Which term I use will often depend on who I'm with, how much understanding they have of the terminology, and how much time I have to explain.
When I first started this blog last summer, it was shortly after I made this self-discovery and decision, and as such I felt on the fringes of both the LGBT and SSA communities. I have since come to see that there is a place for me to find acceptance in each, even though I don't often find myself of the mainstream opinion in either group. But I am willing to continue going against the grain in either group if it feels it is the right thing to do.
Just as I did not know what the response would be when I came out a year ago, I do not know what the response will be to my decision to be more authentic about my life. Some people know all about my journey these last few years. Up until now, there will have been some that never knew that I left the path I was once on, as well as others that did not know that I have chosen to return to it.
My reason for posting this is not to change anyone's mind about what is the best way to address their sexuality, as I believe that everyone has to find out and decide for themselves what path is best. My only hope is that I will continue to receive the love and support that I got when I did come out.
As I said a year ago, I am still the same person that you have always known, only now more open and authentic about who I am, as well as how I have chosen to live my life.
As before, I welcome comments and questions, provided they maintain a respectful dialogue.
Also as before, I do not know exactly what life has in store for me, though I do look forward to finding out.
Now that a year has passed since I went public about my sexuality, I want to share what my life is like now.
When I initially came out a year ago, I was deliberately vague about the choices I was making around my sexuality. First, that was not the reason I was opening up about my sexuality. Second, at the time I didn't want to post something divisive, as I have a large group of friends that have varied opinions on what the most appropriate way is to respond to one's sexual orientation. And third, I was trying to minimize possible personal rejection.
In response to the first reason, enough time has passed that my reasons for being open about my sexuality should no longer be confused with my choices around my sexuality. Second, since starting this blog, I have posted about several different topics that tend to be controversial and divisive, and the dialogue to these posts has remained respectful. Third, while coming out about my sexuality a year ago was a big step in authenticity for me, I've found that I've continued to let fear hold me back from being fully authentic about my life choices regarding my sexuality. I've long known that the best way to overcome fear is to step into it. And that is what I am doing with this post.
At the time I came out, I was trying to maintain a balance between my sexuality and my spirituality/religious beliefs. I viewed both as being a part of who I am. I had been exploring my attractions to men in ways that I had never really allowed myself to in the past. While at the same time, I was still occasionally attending church, and maintaining a link to my Mormon beliefs that were also part of who I was.
I had some well-meaning friends that encouraged me to leave my LDS faith behind. To that I responded that I could no more cut off the part of me that was LDS than I could cut off my arm. It's true that technically I could do it, but it would leave me mutilated and incomplete. It would be cutting off part of who I was, and I wasn't willing to do it.
For the past year, I'd been maintaining this balance. On the one side, I was dating men and exploring the possibility of a relationship with a man. On the other side, I was attending church, and keeping my connection to my LDS faith. The balance was working at the time, though I was under no illusion that it was a permanent solution.
From time to time, I'd experience what is known in psychology terms as cognitive dissonance. My actions were not matching my beliefs and I felt conflicted. The one thing that did keep me going was my belief in a God that was a loving father that loved me regardless of my actions. I never felt certain that He approved of all of my choices, but I was certain that He loved me.
At the time that I came out, I was dating another man. I had discussed with him early on where I was at, and he let me know that he supported me finding what worked best for me, even if that didn't involve a relationship with him. I appreciated the freedom to explore what worked best for me.
During this same time period, I started meeting with a counselor that a couple of different friends had recommended to me to work through the internal conflict that I had been experiencing. She had no agenda as far as which path was best for me to take. She only wanted to help me find what was best for me.
After meeting with her for a few months, I finally did come to a place of clarity, and decided what path was best for me. We had explored the possibilities for me of going down several different paths. The one that brought me the most peace and held the least amount of conflict and anxiety was living according to my LDS beliefs.
Shortly after, I spoke with the man I had been dating, and shared with him what I had discovered, and told him of my decision to return to full activity in the LDS Church. As he told me he would before, he supported my decision. I also shared with several other close friends, and soon opened up to the bishop of the ward I lived in, and began working with him to progress towards my goals of being fully active and in good standing in the Church.
The path I have chosen has not always been smooth, and there have been times that that I have questioned whether it was what I really wanted. But I have always felt guided back to it, and I believe that it is the path that is best for me and will bring me the most peace.
I have a lot of friends that are also sexual minorities. There is great variety in how each has chosen to respond to their sexuality. I respect the right of each of them to decide what is the best and most authentic way to live their lives, and I offer each of them my support as they do so. I am grateful for the friends and family that showed me this same love and support during my journey as I found my path.
When I came out a year ago, bisexual was the term that felt best for me. I am still comfortable using it even though I am now celibate and will likely remain so for some time. But I am also comfortable using the term SSA. Which term I use will often depend on who I'm with, how much understanding they have of the terminology, and how much time I have to explain.
When I first started this blog last summer, it was shortly after I made this self-discovery and decision, and as such I felt on the fringes of both the LGBT and SSA communities. I have since come to see that there is a place for me to find acceptance in each, even though I don't often find myself of the mainstream opinion in either group. But I am willing to continue going against the grain in either group if it feels it is the right thing to do.
Just as I did not know what the response would be when I came out a year ago, I do not know what the response will be to my decision to be more authentic about my life. Some people know all about my journey these last few years. Up until now, there will have been some that never knew that I left the path I was once on, as well as others that did not know that I have chosen to return to it.
My reason for posting this is not to change anyone's mind about what is the best way to address their sexuality, as I believe that everyone has to find out and decide for themselves what path is best. My only hope is that I will continue to receive the love and support that I got when I did come out.
As I said a year ago, I am still the same person that you have always known, only now more open and authentic about who I am, as well as how I have chosen to live my life.
As before, I welcome comments and questions, provided they maintain a respectful dialogue.
Also as before, I do not know exactly what life has in store for me, though I do look forward to finding out.
Monday, April 8, 2013
Being Civil When Discussing Civil Marriage (and Other Topics)
This post is going to be shorter than most. I'm preparing to move in less than a week, and don't have as much time as I'd like to write this post. But though this post will be short, I am once again addressing a controversial topic.
On March 27th of this year, the United States Supreme began hearing oral arguments on an appeal for a ruling that found parts of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) unconstitutional. DOMA is a federal law that was enacted in 1996 that recognizes marriage as a union of a man and a woman (and limits all federal marriage benefits to opposite sex couples) and prohibits required inter-state recognition of same-sex marriage in the United States.
As the time for these oral hearing approached, both the news media and social media exploded with opinions for and against the striking down of DOMA and the legalization of same-sex marriage. I have read opinions on both sides that are passionate, and accuse those that disagree with them of being hateful and trying to force their agenda on everyone.
Back in 2008, when Prop. 8 was on the ballot in California, despite living two states away, I felt very much caught in the middle of the debate. There were extreme opinions on both sides. Those with extreme opinions in favor of Prop. 8 looked on every sexual minority as deviants, sinners, perverts, etc. that were trying to force their skewed view of morality on everyone. Those that were opposed to Prop. 8 looked on Mormons, religious conservatives, and other supporters as being hateful, bigoted, closed-minded, and trying to force their religion and morality on everyone. As an SSA/bisexual Mormon, I felt attacked and persecuted by those on both sides of the issue, and most before they knew my opinion on the matter.
In fact, I remember at one point telling someone that was sharing her opinion on Prop. 8 that I could see both sides of the issue. Her response to me showed that as far as she was concerned, there wasn't another side that was even worth being considered. As far as she was concerned, those that disagreed with her were just being hateful, pushy and trying to force their opinions on others, and nothing more.
A week and a half ago, it felt like everything that I had experienced during Prop. 8 was being brought up again. If I didn't support same-sex marriage, then I was a hateful bigot with toxic opinions. If I didn't stand against same-sex marriage, then I had no values and was aiding in the flood of immorality on society. As far as some were concerned, there was no middle ground.
Most of these passionate opinions were expressed in the social media, such as Facebook. Some of these opinions were expressed in the break room at my work. After listening to one such opinion shared, I remember sending a text to a few friends that day expressing my frustration and that I might have to start taking my breaks somewhere else.
There was, however, one conversation I had that I was heartened by. I was speaking with one of my coworkers (who is also a friend of mine), and even though we had somewhat different views, we were able to express our views in a civil and respectful manner. On some issues, we acknowledged that we disagreed and that we didn't have to agree with each other to be civil and to be friends.
Over the coming months, the Supreme Court will rule on the constitutionality of DOMA and Prop. 8. As that happens, there will be those that will agree with the rulings, and those that will disagree. Some will feel very passionate with how they feel. As this happens, my hope is that we may all be civil and respectful of others, especially those with whom we disagree.
* * * * *
In four days, it will be one year to the day since I came out publicly about my sexual orientation. Come back in two weeks as I discuss what my life is like one year later.
On March 27th of this year, the United States Supreme began hearing oral arguments on an appeal for a ruling that found parts of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) unconstitutional. DOMA is a federal law that was enacted in 1996 that recognizes marriage as a union of a man and a woman (and limits all federal marriage benefits to opposite sex couples) and prohibits required inter-state recognition of same-sex marriage in the United States.
As the time for these oral hearing approached, both the news media and social media exploded with opinions for and against the striking down of DOMA and the legalization of same-sex marriage. I have read opinions on both sides that are passionate, and accuse those that disagree with them of being hateful and trying to force their agenda on everyone.
Back in 2008, when Prop. 8 was on the ballot in California, despite living two states away, I felt very much caught in the middle of the debate. There were extreme opinions on both sides. Those with extreme opinions in favor of Prop. 8 looked on every sexual minority as deviants, sinners, perverts, etc. that were trying to force their skewed view of morality on everyone. Those that were opposed to Prop. 8 looked on Mormons, religious conservatives, and other supporters as being hateful, bigoted, closed-minded, and trying to force their religion and morality on everyone. As an SSA/bisexual Mormon, I felt attacked and persecuted by those on both sides of the issue, and most before they knew my opinion on the matter.
In fact, I remember at one point telling someone that was sharing her opinion on Prop. 8 that I could see both sides of the issue. Her response to me showed that as far as she was concerned, there wasn't another side that was even worth being considered. As far as she was concerned, those that disagreed with her were just being hateful, pushy and trying to force their opinions on others, and nothing more.
A week and a half ago, it felt like everything that I had experienced during Prop. 8 was being brought up again. If I didn't support same-sex marriage, then I was a hateful bigot with toxic opinions. If I didn't stand against same-sex marriage, then I had no values and was aiding in the flood of immorality on society. As far as some were concerned, there was no middle ground.
Most of these passionate opinions were expressed in the social media, such as Facebook. Some of these opinions were expressed in the break room at my work. After listening to one such opinion shared, I remember sending a text to a few friends that day expressing my frustration and that I might have to start taking my breaks somewhere else.
There was, however, one conversation I had that I was heartened by. I was speaking with one of my coworkers (who is also a friend of mine), and even though we had somewhat different views, we were able to express our views in a civil and respectful manner. On some issues, we acknowledged that we disagreed and that we didn't have to agree with each other to be civil and to be friends.
Over the coming months, the Supreme Court will rule on the constitutionality of DOMA and Prop. 8. As that happens, there will be those that will agree with the rulings, and those that will disagree. Some will feel very passionate with how they feel. As this happens, my hope is that we may all be civil and respectful of others, especially those with whom we disagree.
* * * * *
In four days, it will be one year to the day since I came out publicly about my sexual orientation. Come back in two weeks as I discuss what my life is like one year later.
Monday, March 25, 2013
"Mixed Orientation" Relationships
There are a number of controversial topics related to homosexuality, some of which I have addressed in previous posts, such as change and misconceptions on bisexuality. As the title of this post shows, today's post will address another controversial topic, mixed orientation relationships.
I first came across the terms mixed orientation marriage and mixed orientation relationship about five or six years ago. Just reading the terms at the time, I didn't completely understand what they meant (even though I know many people that these terms described). Though many in mixed orientation relationships do not use and some even dislike the term, as I have yet to come across a better term, for the purposes of this blog post, it is the term I will use.
In this post, I will largely refrain from using terms to describe identity, such as gay, lesbian, SSA or straight, as those in mixed orientation relationships may use a variety of sexual identities or none at all. Instead, I will primarally use terms that describe sexual orientation. This may make this post more wordy than seems necessary, though since my series on terminology, I have a desire to "practice what I preach," and use the correct terms. If there in any confusion or lack of clarity about the terminology I am using, please read my series on Terminology:
Terminology -Part 1
Terminology -Part 2
Terminology -Part 3
Quite simply, a mixed orientation relationship is defined as a romantic or sexual relationship between people of different sexual orientations, and a mixed orientation marriage is a marriage of people of different sexual orientations. It is most often used to refer to a couple consisting of one person that has a heterosexual orientation and another that has a homosexual orientation. Though it can refer to any relationship in which the individuals do not have the same sexual orientation.
Individuals that enter into such relationships and marriages may do so for a variety of reasons. In some cases the heterosexual partner is aware of the other's orientation, while in other cases, he or she is not (or at least is not at the start of the relationship or marriage).
In the last few years, many have become much more aware of mixed orientation relationships. Most of the media attention on such relationships has been negative, and as such, these types of relationships have become very controversial, with a number of people universally condemning them.
The stereotypical mixed orientation marriage that is often portrayed in the media is that of a man with a homosexual orientation marrying a woman of a heterosexual orientation without her knowledge of his orientation. The man's motives for marrying are often portrayed as being to either hide or try to change his orientation. These marriages are usually portrayed as ending in divorce as the man will invariably cheat on his wife with another man or men, or if not, be unable to live with hiding his sexuality, and the marriage will end in divorce, creating a broken family.
But that is only the stereotype that is dominant. While it is true for a number of mixed orientation marriages, it is far from being universally true. Not every mixed orientation marriage begins with one spouse hiding their orientation from the other. Not every partner that is homosexual enters the relationship to try to hide or change their orientation. And not every mixed orientation marriage results in adultery, betrayal, divorce, and a broken family.
Though no research has been reported that I'm aware of, just my personal experience with those I know in mixed orientation marriages has shown that their relationships can be just as happy and successful as those in same orientation marriages. Some do claim that mixed orientation marriages are more likely to fail. That may or may not be true. Until there is scientific research reported, however, that is just individual observation or opinion.
It is true that there are many mixed orientation marriages that fail. It is also true, however, that there are many same orientation marriages that fail. And just as there are also many same orientation marriages that are successful, the same is true of mixed orientation marriages.
This is not to say that I universally support mixed orientation marriages, as I do not. I see the decision to enter into a mixed orientation relationship or marriage as being very personal. And I do not support mixed orientation marriages unless there is full disclosure between the spouses about sexual orientation and sexual history before the wedding. Though I do know of marriages that have survived in which a spouse hid their sexual orientation at first, it is still dishonest, does not give the other spouse an opportunity to make an informed decision, and it places an obstacle that may be very difficult to overcome in the marriage.
Another factor that I see as important is for anyone that is exclusively homosexual (or anyone considering a relationship with someone that is) is putting plenty of thought (and prayer, if appropriate) into such a relationship before deciding to enter into one. Mixed orientation relationships often have challenges that same orientation relationships do not have, although that does not necessarily make them insurmountable.
So, although I do not universally support mixed orientation marriages, I do support them when there is honesty (both with oneself and one's potential spouse), certainty about one's true motives and intentions, and when it is an informed decision. Even of those that are exclusively homosexual that do not want to enter a same sex relationship (whether for personal or religious reasons), not all will feel that a mixed orientation relationship is right for them, nor should they be pressured or coerced into entering one. And on the other side of the coin, any person that is heterosexual also has the right to decide whether being in a relationship or marriage with someone who has an exclusively homosexual orientation is right for them or something they are willing and ready to do.
I also support mixed orientation relationships because of another possible aspect of them. I stated earlier that mixed orientation relationships are most often used to refer to a couple with one individual of a heterosexual orientation and another of a homosexual orientation. But a mixed orientation relationship also refers to couples in which one individual has a bisexual orientation and the other has either a heterosexual or a homosexual orientation.
For example, I am bisexual. And if I were to enter a relationship with anyone, man or woman, unless they were also bisexual, it would be a mixed orientation relationship, since my orientation would be different than that of the man or woman I was in a relationship with.
One of the criticisms of mixed orientation relationships is that it is not fair to an individual to be in a relationship with someone that does not fully love them, most often referring to a man of a homosexual orientation being in a relationship with a woman of a heterosexual orientation. But cases in which one individual is bisexual show the flaw in this argument. If I should not be in a relationship with a woman because I supposedly cannot fully love her because I am attracted to men, then how would it be any more right for me to be in a relationship with a man, since following the same logic, I would not be able to fully love him because I am attracted to women? Unless those that are bisexual are supposed to just remain single, it does not make sense to universally condemn mixed orientation relationships for this reason.
As I stated earlier, I do know a number of couples in mixed orientation relationships, many of whom I consider friends. Many of them live private lives, and I have no desire to put them in the public eye without their permission. But I will reference two such friends that are public about their relationships, and provide a link to others.
The first couple is Ty and Danielle Mansfield. Ty has been in the public eye about his sexuality for close to ten years (and I've also known him almost that long), through both public speaking and books he has published. Ty is also a co-founder and currently a vice president for North Star International. Their story was told on LDS Living last year, and can also be found on the Mormons and Gays website.
The second couple is Josh and Lolly Weed. They went public in a post on Josh's blog last year, which went viral, and Josh has written and spoken on the topic at a number of firesides, conferences and conventions since that time. I've had the privilege of meeting Josh and Lolly several times that they've been in Utah to speak.
Both the Mansfields and the Weeds have participated in the Voices of Hope project, which has a website scheduled to launch this month. Ty and the Weeds both have videos in the preview, and many more individuals and couples in mixed orientation marriages will be featured on the website once it launches and more videos are recorded, edited and posted.
In closing, I do want to acknowledge that my opinion on mixed orientation relationships is a lot stronger than my opinion on many of the other things I have written about. This is in part that nearly any relationship I hope to be in (or have ever hoped to be in) would be a mixed orientation relationship. In stating my opinion, I do welcome more dialogue on the topic, particularly with those of differing opinions.
As always, feel free to continue the dialogue by commenting on this post.
I first came across the terms mixed orientation marriage and mixed orientation relationship about five or six years ago. Just reading the terms at the time, I didn't completely understand what they meant (even though I know many people that these terms described). Though many in mixed orientation relationships do not use and some even dislike the term, as I have yet to come across a better term, for the purposes of this blog post, it is the term I will use.
In this post, I will largely refrain from using terms to describe identity, such as gay, lesbian, SSA or straight, as those in mixed orientation relationships may use a variety of sexual identities or none at all. Instead, I will primarally use terms that describe sexual orientation. This may make this post more wordy than seems necessary, though since my series on terminology, I have a desire to "practice what I preach," and use the correct terms. If there in any confusion or lack of clarity about the terminology I am using, please read my series on Terminology:
Terminology -Part 1
Terminology -Part 2
Terminology -Part 3
Quite simply, a mixed orientation relationship is defined as a romantic or sexual relationship between people of different sexual orientations, and a mixed orientation marriage is a marriage of people of different sexual orientations. It is most often used to refer to a couple consisting of one person that has a heterosexual orientation and another that has a homosexual orientation. Though it can refer to any relationship in which the individuals do not have the same sexual orientation.
Individuals that enter into such relationships and marriages may do so for a variety of reasons. In some cases the heterosexual partner is aware of the other's orientation, while in other cases, he or she is not (or at least is not at the start of the relationship or marriage).
In the last few years, many have become much more aware of mixed orientation relationships. Most of the media attention on such relationships has been negative, and as such, these types of relationships have become very controversial, with a number of people universally condemning them.
The stereotypical mixed orientation marriage that is often portrayed in the media is that of a man with a homosexual orientation marrying a woman of a heterosexual orientation without her knowledge of his orientation. The man's motives for marrying are often portrayed as being to either hide or try to change his orientation. These marriages are usually portrayed as ending in divorce as the man will invariably cheat on his wife with another man or men, or if not, be unable to live with hiding his sexuality, and the marriage will end in divorce, creating a broken family.
But that is only the stereotype that is dominant. While it is true for a number of mixed orientation marriages, it is far from being universally true. Not every mixed orientation marriage begins with one spouse hiding their orientation from the other. Not every partner that is homosexual enters the relationship to try to hide or change their orientation. And not every mixed orientation marriage results in adultery, betrayal, divorce, and a broken family.
Though no research has been reported that I'm aware of, just my personal experience with those I know in mixed orientation marriages has shown that their relationships can be just as happy and successful as those in same orientation marriages. Some do claim that mixed orientation marriages are more likely to fail. That may or may not be true. Until there is scientific research reported, however, that is just individual observation or opinion.
It is true that there are many mixed orientation marriages that fail. It is also true, however, that there are many same orientation marriages that fail. And just as there are also many same orientation marriages that are successful, the same is true of mixed orientation marriages.
This is not to say that I universally support mixed orientation marriages, as I do not. I see the decision to enter into a mixed orientation relationship or marriage as being very personal. And I do not support mixed orientation marriages unless there is full disclosure between the spouses about sexual orientation and sexual history before the wedding. Though I do know of marriages that have survived in which a spouse hid their sexual orientation at first, it is still dishonest, does not give the other spouse an opportunity to make an informed decision, and it places an obstacle that may be very difficult to overcome in the marriage.
Another factor that I see as important is for anyone that is exclusively homosexual (or anyone considering a relationship with someone that is) is putting plenty of thought (and prayer, if appropriate) into such a relationship before deciding to enter into one. Mixed orientation relationships often have challenges that same orientation relationships do not have, although that does not necessarily make them insurmountable.
So, although I do not universally support mixed orientation marriages, I do support them when there is honesty (both with oneself and one's potential spouse), certainty about one's true motives and intentions, and when it is an informed decision. Even of those that are exclusively homosexual that do not want to enter a same sex relationship (whether for personal or religious reasons), not all will feel that a mixed orientation relationship is right for them, nor should they be pressured or coerced into entering one. And on the other side of the coin, any person that is heterosexual also has the right to decide whether being in a relationship or marriage with someone who has an exclusively homosexual orientation is right for them or something they are willing and ready to do.
I also support mixed orientation relationships because of another possible aspect of them. I stated earlier that mixed orientation relationships are most often used to refer to a couple with one individual of a heterosexual orientation and another of a homosexual orientation. But a mixed orientation relationship also refers to couples in which one individual has a bisexual orientation and the other has either a heterosexual or a homosexual orientation.
For example, I am bisexual. And if I were to enter a relationship with anyone, man or woman, unless they were also bisexual, it would be a mixed orientation relationship, since my orientation would be different than that of the man or woman I was in a relationship with.
One of the criticisms of mixed orientation relationships is that it is not fair to an individual to be in a relationship with someone that does not fully love them, most often referring to a man of a homosexual orientation being in a relationship with a woman of a heterosexual orientation. But cases in which one individual is bisexual show the flaw in this argument. If I should not be in a relationship with a woman because I supposedly cannot fully love her because I am attracted to men, then how would it be any more right for me to be in a relationship with a man, since following the same logic, I would not be able to fully love him because I am attracted to women? Unless those that are bisexual are supposed to just remain single, it does not make sense to universally condemn mixed orientation relationships for this reason.
As I stated earlier, I do know a number of couples in mixed orientation relationships, many of whom I consider friends. Many of them live private lives, and I have no desire to put them in the public eye without their permission. But I will reference two such friends that are public about their relationships, and provide a link to others.
The first couple is Ty and Danielle Mansfield. Ty has been in the public eye about his sexuality for close to ten years (and I've also known him almost that long), through both public speaking and books he has published. Ty is also a co-founder and currently a vice president for North Star International. Their story was told on LDS Living last year, and can also be found on the Mormons and Gays website.
The second couple is Josh and Lolly Weed. They went public in a post on Josh's blog last year, which went viral, and Josh has written and spoken on the topic at a number of firesides, conferences and conventions since that time. I've had the privilege of meeting Josh and Lolly several times that they've been in Utah to speak.
Both the Mansfields and the Weeds have participated in the Voices of Hope project, which has a website scheduled to launch this month. Ty and the Weeds both have videos in the preview, and many more individuals and couples in mixed orientation marriages will be featured on the website once it launches and more videos are recorded, edited and posted.
In closing, I do want to acknowledge that my opinion on mixed orientation relationships is a lot stronger than my opinion on many of the other things I have written about. This is in part that nearly any relationship I hope to be in (or have ever hoped to be in) would be a mixed orientation relationship. In stating my opinion, I do welcome more dialogue on the topic, particularly with those of differing opinions.
As always, feel free to continue the dialogue by commenting on this post.
Monday, March 11, 2013
My Story -Part 3
In my last post and in the most recent installment of the "My Story" series, I introduced you to some more of my family (if you have not yet read the previous posts, links are included at the end of this post). I this post, I will introduce you to the younger of my brothers and sisters: Megan, Zach and Brady.
Megan was born about two and a half years after Josh, and about eight and a half years after me.
As Megan was only the second girl in the family, she was a welcome addition, particularly by her mother and her older sister. Growing up Megan was probably closer to Heather than any of her other siblings, often sharing a bedroom with her, though they also occasionally clashed as well.
As with most of the children in the family, Megan grew up being artistically inclined. Though her focus tends to be on visual arts, like most of the others in the family, she also took an interest in poetry and other types of writing while she was in junior high and high school.
After graduating from high school, Megan started attending Salt Lake Community College. She has changed degrees several times, and is currently majoring in graphic art, though she also has an interest in web design. She has, for the most part, put herself through school without the aid of loans, going to college part time, while also working part time at a trailer supply store (where she works with Matt).
Zach was born two years after Megan and about ten and a half years after me.
During his early childhood, Zach was closest to Matt, and as such tended to share a lot of the same interests as him. Zach was also rather prone to injuries when he was younger (from dog bites to being hit by falling icicles) and he has the scars to prove it.
Zach graduated from high school and later than year received a mission call to the Kentucky Louisville Mission. However, several weeks before he was to leave, he saw a doctor about numbness he was feeling in his lower back and the bottoms of his feet, and was found to have a tumor growing along his spine.
Fortunately the tumor was benign, though its growth was causing nerve damage. His mission was delayed as he had surgery to remove the tumor. The surgery was largely successful, though the surgeon was not able to remove all of it, as the risk for spinal damage was too great.
Zach had regular follow-up MRIs after the surgery, and made a slow recovery, having to learn to walk a bit differently due to the nerve damage. He was eventually cleared to serve a trial mission in the Utah Ogden Mission (to ensure that he was physically up to the rigors of serving a mission), and later went on to the MTC and then to serve permanently in Kentucky where he was originally called.
He unfortunately had to return home early when an MRI while he was in Kentucky showed that the remnant of the tumor had grown sufficiently to necessitate surgery to remove it. He later had yet another surgery when another tumor was found, and later had radiation treatment to rid his spinal column of several much smaller tumors that were later found.
Though his recovery hasn't been 100%, it has been sufficient to generally function normally in life. In the past year, he started attending Salt Lake Community College (though he hasn't decided on a major yet), and he recently got a job working at a pizza parlor.
Brady was born three years after Zach, making him thirteen and a half years younger than me.
Of all my siblings, I would say that Brady is probably the most like me in personality. Growing up he was very sensitive, though also intellectual, and pretty shy around those he didn't know (all traits that I share with him). Along with Zach, Brady and I also share similar interests in gaming.
In his later teen years, Brady became a full fledged brony (for those that aren't familiar with this term, it's an amalgamation of brother and pony, and is used by teenage boys and young adults that are fans of the current "My Little Pony" cartoon series).
Brady graduated high school, and then attend a semester at the College of Eastern Utah in Price (breaking the family trend of attending the U or SLCC) on a scholarship. He then received his mission call to the Florida Jacksonville Mission, and has now been there for about nine or ten months, and is currently serving as a district leader.
* * * * *
My Story -Part 1
My Story -Part 2
Hopefully these introductions have helped you get to know my family better. My family is a very important part of my life and I believe that getting to know them will help get to know me better. In the next installment of "My Story" I will resume the actual story of my own life.
Megan was born about two and a half years after Josh, and about eight and a half years after me.
As Megan was only the second girl in the family, she was a welcome addition, particularly by her mother and her older sister. Growing up Megan was probably closer to Heather than any of her other siblings, often sharing a bedroom with her, though they also occasionally clashed as well.
As with most of the children in the family, Megan grew up being artistically inclined. Though her focus tends to be on visual arts, like most of the others in the family, she also took an interest in poetry and other types of writing while she was in junior high and high school.
After graduating from high school, Megan started attending Salt Lake Community College. She has changed degrees several times, and is currently majoring in graphic art, though she also has an interest in web design. She has, for the most part, put herself through school without the aid of loans, going to college part time, while also working part time at a trailer supply store (where she works with Matt).
Zach was born two years after Megan and about ten and a half years after me.
During his early childhood, Zach was closest to Matt, and as such tended to share a lot of the same interests as him. Zach was also rather prone to injuries when he was younger (from dog bites to being hit by falling icicles) and he has the scars to prove it.
Zach graduated from high school and later than year received a mission call to the Kentucky Louisville Mission. However, several weeks before he was to leave, he saw a doctor about numbness he was feeling in his lower back and the bottoms of his feet, and was found to have a tumor growing along his spine.
Fortunately the tumor was benign, though its growth was causing nerve damage. His mission was delayed as he had surgery to remove the tumor. The surgery was largely successful, though the surgeon was not able to remove all of it, as the risk for spinal damage was too great.
Zach had regular follow-up MRIs after the surgery, and made a slow recovery, having to learn to walk a bit differently due to the nerve damage. He was eventually cleared to serve a trial mission in the Utah Ogden Mission (to ensure that he was physically up to the rigors of serving a mission), and later went on to the MTC and then to serve permanently in Kentucky where he was originally called.
He unfortunately had to return home early when an MRI while he was in Kentucky showed that the remnant of the tumor had grown sufficiently to necessitate surgery to remove it. He later had yet another surgery when another tumor was found, and later had radiation treatment to rid his spinal column of several much smaller tumors that were later found.
Though his recovery hasn't been 100%, it has been sufficient to generally function normally in life. In the past year, he started attending Salt Lake Community College (though he hasn't decided on a major yet), and he recently got a job working at a pizza parlor.
Brady was born three years after Zach, making him thirteen and a half years younger than me.
Of all my siblings, I would say that Brady is probably the most like me in personality. Growing up he was very sensitive, though also intellectual, and pretty shy around those he didn't know (all traits that I share with him). Along with Zach, Brady and I also share similar interests in gaming.
In his later teen years, Brady became a full fledged brony (for those that aren't familiar with this term, it's an amalgamation of brother and pony, and is used by teenage boys and young adults that are fans of the current "My Little Pony" cartoon series).
Brady graduated high school, and then attend a semester at the College of Eastern Utah in Price (breaking the family trend of attending the U or SLCC) on a scholarship. He then received his mission call to the Florida Jacksonville Mission, and has now been there for about nine or ten months, and is currently serving as a district leader.
* * * * *
My Story -Part 1
My Story -Part 2
Hopefully these introductions have helped you get to know my family better. My family is a very important part of my life and I believe that getting to know them will help get to know me better. In the next installment of "My Story" I will resume the actual story of my own life.
Monday, February 25, 2013
My Story -Part 2
A couple of months ago, I shared the first part of my story (If you have not yet read it, a link is included at the end of this post). I started with introducing my parents. As I've thought about writing the next part of my story, I realize that my story will likely make more sense if I introduce my family members before I start writing about them.
So in this post, I will begin introducing my brothers and sisters. As I am from a family of seven children, I will split their introductions into two separate posts. From oldest to youngest, my siblings are Matthew (Matt), Heather, Joshua (Josh), Megan, Zachary (Zach), and Brady. In this post, I will introduce you to Matt, Heather and Josh.
I ended my last "My Story" post with the birth of my brother Matt. Matt was born about two years and three months after me. The two words I would use to best describe Matt during his childhood would be curious and adventurous. His first complete sentence was, "Get down!" as that was one of the most common ones he heard from our parents when he was a toddler. He could be frequently found climbing somewhere.
Even as he got older he kept his sense of adventure. I remember once when he was about seven or eight years old in a game of tag or hide and seek, he had climbed a tree, and then in order to avoid getting caught, while about fifteen or twenty feet above the ground, he jumped to another tree.
He was also curious about how things worked, and as a child could often be found taking something apart and putting it back together (sometimes more successfully than others).
Because we were so close in age, Matt and I played together a lot growing up and often played with the same friends. We also frequently shared a bedroom.
Matt graduated from high school while I was serving my mission, and a couple of months after I returned home, he received his call to the California Roseville Mission.
Matt has attended school off and on since that time at Salt Lake Community College, pursuing a degree in auto mechanics. In 2006, he met Launa through his friendship with her roommates, and soon after began dating her. Around Easter of the next year, Matt and Launa were engaged and they then married in June of 2007 in the Salt Lake Temple. In 2010 they bought and moved in to their house, and in October of 2011, Launa gave birth to their daughter, Kylie. Matt is currently working as a manager at a trailer supply store.
Heather was born about two years after Matt, making her four years younger than me. Heather had an interesting early childhood, including becoming infected with giardia as an infant, and getting third degree burns on her arms when she was a toddler from falling against a hot wood burning stove. She fortunately made a full recovery from both.
Heather was born with dark curly hair, which turned blond as she got older. Her closest childhood friends were the twin girls who lived next door and were a year older than her. Both of them had straight long hair, and much of her childhood she wanted to have hair like theirs, and would often use things like a grass skirt or pom poms to make her hair "longer".
Of all the children in the family, she probably had the hardest time when we moved due to her close friendships. However, she was able to adapt and make new friends.
She graduated from high school about a year after I returned home from my mission, and for a year, she and I attended Salt Lake Community College together, often riding together and even taking an institute class together.
In 2004, she met Clay who had been working with Matt, and was also attending the same singles ward. In late spring or early summer of the next year they were engaged, and they were married in our grandparents' back yard in September of 2005.
In August of 2006, their first son, Robby, was born. And in March of 2007 they were sealed in the Manti Temple. During most of their marriage they have lived in the Salt Lake Valley, though they spent most of a year living in Washington State. They returned to Salt Lake several months before the birth of their first daughter, Aili, who was born in March of 2011. And in August of 2012, they celebrated the birth of their second son, Kelly. Heather is currently a stay-at-home mom, who keeps busy raising her three young children.
Josh was born about two years after Heather, making him six years younger than me. During his infancy, and childhood, Josh had a different build than me and my other siblings. We were all very slim, while he was more on the chubby side. Though once he hit puberty, Josh lost his baby fat, and developed a very similar build as me and Matt, enough so that I almost confused Josh for Matt when I first saw him at the airport upon returning from my mission.
Josh was very easy-going as a toddler and child, and as such earned the nickname, Buddy, when he was younger. When asked his name, he'd even recite that he was "Josh Jacob JJ Buddy Coon." During his younger childhood, he could almost always be found playing with a ball of some sort.
He also had much more of an interest in sports as a child than I did, or even Matt. I remember at one point when asked, he said he wanted to be a football player when he grew up. Josh was involved with several baseball teams while growing up, as well as a junior track program. However, he lost much of his interest in sports by the time he started high school.
Josh is likely the most intellectually inclined of my siblings. He did very well in high school, completing several AP and concurrent enrollment classes before he graduated. He was able to get a scholarship to the University of Utah, and completed a year there before receiving his mission call to the Brazil Campinas Mission.
Upon completing his mission, he continued his education at the U, graduating in 2012, with dual bachelor degrees in chemical engineering and international studies. In 2008, he met Jen who at the time had been dating his roommate. But Jen and Josh soon developed an interest in each other and began dating. In fall of that year, Jen and Josh were engaged, and in January of 2009 they were married in the Salt Lake Temple.
In October of 2011, Jen gave birth to their first daughter, Evie. Two years later, in November of 2012, she gave birth to their second daughter, Jolene. They currently live in the Ogden area, and Josh works as a chemical engineer in Morgan.
Josh is the one of my siblings I probably feel the closest to in adulthood. When I first told him about my sexuality, he seemed to understand it better, and he's also been someone I've found it easy to talk to and count on to show love and support, even if he doesn't necessarily completely agree with all the choices I made in approaching my sexuality.
* * * * *
My Story -Part 1
In my next installment of this "My Story" series, I will introduce you to the rest of my siblings. This will probably be in two weeks, though I haven't completely decided yet. But whether I continue my story or post on something different, check back here in two weeks for my next blog post.
So in this post, I will begin introducing my brothers and sisters. As I am from a family of seven children, I will split their introductions into two separate posts. From oldest to youngest, my siblings are Matthew (Matt), Heather, Joshua (Josh), Megan, Zachary (Zach), and Brady. In this post, I will introduce you to Matt, Heather and Josh.
I ended my last "My Story" post with the birth of my brother Matt. Matt was born about two years and three months after me. The two words I would use to best describe Matt during his childhood would be curious and adventurous. His first complete sentence was, "Get down!" as that was one of the most common ones he heard from our parents when he was a toddler. He could be frequently found climbing somewhere.
Even as he got older he kept his sense of adventure. I remember once when he was about seven or eight years old in a game of tag or hide and seek, he had climbed a tree, and then in order to avoid getting caught, while about fifteen or twenty feet above the ground, he jumped to another tree.
He was also curious about how things worked, and as a child could often be found taking something apart and putting it back together (sometimes more successfully than others).
Because we were so close in age, Matt and I played together a lot growing up and often played with the same friends. We also frequently shared a bedroom.
Matt graduated from high school while I was serving my mission, and a couple of months after I returned home, he received his call to the California Roseville Mission.
Matt has attended school off and on since that time at Salt Lake Community College, pursuing a degree in auto mechanics. In 2006, he met Launa through his friendship with her roommates, and soon after began dating her. Around Easter of the next year, Matt and Launa were engaged and they then married in June of 2007 in the Salt Lake Temple. In 2010 they bought and moved in to their house, and in October of 2011, Launa gave birth to their daughter, Kylie. Matt is currently working as a manager at a trailer supply store.
Heather was born about two years after Matt, making her four years younger than me. Heather had an interesting early childhood, including becoming infected with giardia as an infant, and getting third degree burns on her arms when she was a toddler from falling against a hot wood burning stove. She fortunately made a full recovery from both.
Heather was born with dark curly hair, which turned blond as she got older. Her closest childhood friends were the twin girls who lived next door and were a year older than her. Both of them had straight long hair, and much of her childhood she wanted to have hair like theirs, and would often use things like a grass skirt or pom poms to make her hair "longer".
Of all the children in the family, she probably had the hardest time when we moved due to her close friendships. However, she was able to adapt and make new friends.
She graduated from high school about a year after I returned home from my mission, and for a year, she and I attended Salt Lake Community College together, often riding together and even taking an institute class together.
In 2004, she met Clay who had been working with Matt, and was also attending the same singles ward. In late spring or early summer of the next year they were engaged, and they were married in our grandparents' back yard in September of 2005.
In August of 2006, their first son, Robby, was born. And in March of 2007 they were sealed in the Manti Temple. During most of their marriage they have lived in the Salt Lake Valley, though they spent most of a year living in Washington State. They returned to Salt Lake several months before the birth of their first daughter, Aili, who was born in March of 2011. And in August of 2012, they celebrated the birth of their second son, Kelly. Heather is currently a stay-at-home mom, who keeps busy raising her three young children.
Josh was born about two years after Heather, making him six years younger than me. During his infancy, and childhood, Josh had a different build than me and my other siblings. We were all very slim, while he was more on the chubby side. Though once he hit puberty, Josh lost his baby fat, and developed a very similar build as me and Matt, enough so that I almost confused Josh for Matt when I first saw him at the airport upon returning from my mission.
Josh was very easy-going as a toddler and child, and as such earned the nickname, Buddy, when he was younger. When asked his name, he'd even recite that he was "Josh Jacob JJ Buddy Coon." During his younger childhood, he could almost always be found playing with a ball of some sort.
He also had much more of an interest in sports as a child than I did, or even Matt. I remember at one point when asked, he said he wanted to be a football player when he grew up. Josh was involved with several baseball teams while growing up, as well as a junior track program. However, he lost much of his interest in sports by the time he started high school.
Josh is likely the most intellectually inclined of my siblings. He did very well in high school, completing several AP and concurrent enrollment classes before he graduated. He was able to get a scholarship to the University of Utah, and completed a year there before receiving his mission call to the Brazil Campinas Mission.
Upon completing his mission, he continued his education at the U, graduating in 2012, with dual bachelor degrees in chemical engineering and international studies. In 2008, he met Jen who at the time had been dating his roommate. But Jen and Josh soon developed an interest in each other and began dating. In fall of that year, Jen and Josh were engaged, and in January of 2009 they were married in the Salt Lake Temple.
In October of 2011, Jen gave birth to their first daughter, Evie. Two years later, in November of 2012, she gave birth to their second daughter, Jolene. They currently live in the Ogden area, and Josh works as a chemical engineer in Morgan.
Josh is the one of my siblings I probably feel the closest to in adulthood. When I first told him about my sexuality, he seemed to understand it better, and he's also been someone I've found it easy to talk to and count on to show love and support, even if he doesn't necessarily completely agree with all the choices I made in approaching my sexuality.
* * * * *
My Story -Part 1
In my next installment of this "My Story" series, I will introduce you to the rest of my siblings. This will probably be in two weeks, though I haven't completely decided yet. But whether I continue my story or post on something different, check back here in two weeks for my next blog post.
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