A couple of months ago, I shared the first part of my story (If you have not yet read it, a link is included at the end of this post). I started with introducing my parents. As I've thought about writing the next part of my story, I realize that my story will likely make more sense if I introduce my family members before I start writing about them.
So in this post, I will begin introducing my brothers and sisters. As I am from a family of seven children, I will split their introductions into two separate posts. From oldest to youngest, my siblings are Matthew (Matt), Heather, Joshua (Josh), Megan, Zachary (Zach), and Brady. In this post, I will introduce you to Matt, Heather and Josh.
I ended my last "My Story" post with the birth of my brother Matt. Matt was born about two years and three months after me. The two words I would use to best describe Matt during his childhood would be curious and adventurous. His first complete sentence was, "Get down!" as that was one of the most common ones he heard from our parents when he was a toddler. He could be frequently found climbing somewhere.
Even as he got older he kept his sense of adventure. I remember once when he was about seven or eight years old in a game of tag or hide and seek, he had climbed a tree, and then in order to avoid getting caught, while about fifteen or twenty feet above the ground, he jumped to another tree.
He was also curious about how things worked, and as a child could often be found taking something apart and putting it back together (sometimes more successfully than others).
Because we were so close in age, Matt and I played together a lot growing up and often played with the same friends. We also frequently shared a bedroom.
Matt graduated from high school while I was serving my mission, and a couple of months after I returned home, he received his call to the California Roseville Mission.
Matt has attended school off and on since that time at Salt Lake Community College, pursuing a degree in auto mechanics. In 2006, he met Launa through his friendship with her roommates, and soon after began dating her. Around Easter of the next year, Matt and Launa were engaged and they then married in June of 2007 in the Salt Lake Temple. In 2010 they bought and moved in to their house, and in October of 2011, Launa gave birth to their daughter, Kylie. Matt is currently working as a manager at a trailer supply store.
Heather was born about two years after Matt, making her four years younger than me. Heather had an interesting early childhood, including becoming infected with giardia as an infant, and getting third degree burns on her arms when she was a toddler from falling against a hot wood burning stove. She fortunately made a full recovery from both.
Heather was born with dark curly hair, which turned blond as she got older. Her closest childhood friends were the twin girls who lived next door and were a year older than her. Both of them had straight long hair, and much of her childhood she wanted to have hair like theirs, and would often use things like a grass skirt or pom poms to make her hair "longer".
Of all the children in the family, she probably had the hardest time when we moved due to her close friendships. However, she was able to adapt and make new friends.
She graduated from high school about a year after I returned home from my mission, and for a year, she and I attended Salt Lake Community College together, often riding together and even taking an institute class together.
In 2004, she met Clay who had been working with Matt, and was also attending the same singles ward. In late spring or early summer of the next year they were engaged, and they were married in our grandparents' back yard in September of 2005.
In August of 2006, their first son, Robby, was born. And in March of 2007 they were sealed in the Manti Temple. During most of their marriage they have lived in the Salt Lake Valley, though they spent most of a year living in Washington State. They returned to Salt Lake several months before the birth of their first daughter, Aili, who was born in March of 2011. And in August of 2012, they celebrated the birth of their second son, Kelly. Heather is currently a stay-at-home mom, who keeps busy raising her three young children.
Josh was born about two years after Heather, making him six years younger than me. During his infancy, and childhood, Josh had a different build than me and my other siblings. We were all very slim, while he was more on the chubby side. Though once he hit puberty, Josh lost his baby fat, and developed a very similar build as me and Matt, enough so that I almost confused Josh for Matt when I first saw him at the airport upon returning from my mission.
Josh was very easy-going as a toddler and child, and as such earned the nickname, Buddy, when he was younger. When asked his name, he'd even recite that he was "Josh Jacob JJ Buddy Coon." During his younger childhood, he could almost always be found playing with a ball of some sort.
He also had much more of an interest in sports as a child than I did, or even Matt. I remember at one point when asked, he said he wanted to be a football player when he grew up. Josh was involved with several baseball teams while growing up, as well as a junior track program. However, he lost much of his interest in sports by the time he started high school.
Josh is likely the most intellectually inclined of my siblings. He did very well in high school, completing several AP and concurrent enrollment classes before he graduated. He was able to get a scholarship to the University of Utah, and completed a year there before receiving his mission call to the Brazil Campinas Mission.
Upon completing his mission, he continued his education at the U, graduating in 2012, with dual bachelor degrees in chemical engineering and international studies. In 2008, he met Jen who at the time had been dating his roommate. But Jen and Josh soon developed an interest in each other and began dating. In fall of that year, Jen and Josh were engaged, and in January of 2009 they were married in the Salt Lake Temple.
In October of 2011, Jen gave birth to their first daughter, Evie. Two years later, in November of 2012, she gave birth to their second daughter, Jolene. They currently live in the Ogden area, and Josh works as a chemical engineer in Morgan.
Josh is the one of my siblings I probably feel the closest to in adulthood. When I first told him about my sexuality, he seemed to understand it better, and he's also been someone I've found it easy to talk to and count on to show love and support, even if he doesn't necessarily completely agree with all the choices I made in approaching my sexuality.
* * * * *
My Story -Part 1
In my next installment of this "My Story" series, I will introduce you to the rest of my siblings. This will probably be in two weeks, though I haven't completely decided yet. But whether I continue my story or post on something different, check back here in two weeks for my next blog post.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Monday, February 11, 2013
Terminology -Part 3
Welcome back.
This blog will be the second half of my list of some of the terms most commonly used around sexuality, and the third in my "Terminology" series. For the list of the first half of my list of terms, please read my previous blog post.
This blog will be the second half of my list of some of the terms most commonly used around sexuality, and the third in my "Terminology" series. For the list of the first half of my list of terms, please read my previous blog post.
Polysexual- (used to
define orientation, identity, attraction and behavior) the
sexual orientation of those attracted to multipe sexes; a sexual
identity used by those attracted to multiple sexes; attraction to
multiple sexes; can be used as an adjective to describe sexual
behavior of an individual with others of multiple sexes; those of a
polysexual orientation may also be bisexual or pansexual.
Queer- (used to define
identity) historically used as a derogatory term or slur for sexual
minorities; more recently, queer is becoming accepted as a positive
umbrella term for sexual minorites; often used interchangeably with
LGBT.
Straight-
(used to define identity and behavior) a sexual identity used by
those attracted to the opposite sex; also used as an adjective to
describe sexual activity between individuals of the opposite sex; not
all individuals that are attracted to the opposite sex identify as
straight (some identify as bisexual or do not take on a sexual
identity); the term straight is frequently used to describe a sexual
orientation, though the correct term for the orientation is
heterosexual.
Same Gender Attracted-
(used to define identity and attraction) an identity used by those
attracted to the same gender, usually as an alternative to the
identities gay, lesbian or bisexual (though not all those attracted
to the same gender identify as same gender attracted); used as an
adjective to describe those attracted to the same gender (regardless
of whether the individual identifies as such); often shortened to the
acronym SGA; often used interchangeably with the term same sex
attracted, though the term technically is different as gender is a
social construct that may or may not match an individual's biological
sex.
Same Gender Attraction-
(used to define attraction) attraction
to the same gender (for example, the attraction of those that are
male to those that are male, and those that are female to those that
are female); often shortened to the acronym SGA; often used
interchangeably with the term same sex attraction, although the term
technically is different as gender is a social construct that may or
may not match an individual's biological sex.
Same
Sex Attracted- (used to define identity and attraction) an identity
used by those attracted to the same sex, usually as an alternative to
the identities gay, lesbian or bisexual (though not all those
attracted to the same sex identify as same sex attracted); used as an
adjective to describe those attracted to the same sex (regardless of
whether the individual identifies as such); often shortened to the
acronym SSA; often used interchangeably with the term same gender
attracted, though the term technically is different as gender is a
social construct that may or may not match an individual's biological
sex.
Same
Sex Attraction- (used to define attraction) attraction to the same
sex (for example, the attraction of those that are male to those that
are male, and those that are female to those that are female); often
shortened to the acronym SSA; often used interchangeably with the
term same gender attraction, although the term technically is
different as gender is a social construct that may or may not match
an individual's biological sex.
Sexual
Minority- (used to define orientation, identity and behavior) used as
a grouping of sexual orientations, identities or behaviors that
differ from those of the majority of surrounding society (typically
any orientation, identity or behavior that is not heterosexual or
straight); used as an umbrella term to include all individuals whose
sexual orientation, identity, or behavior is different than that of
the majority of society.
SGA-
(used to define identity and attraction) an acronym for same gender
attraction or same gender attracted; often used interchangeably with
the acronym SSA, though they are technically different as gender is a
social construct that may or may not match an individual's biological
sex.
SSA-
(used to define identity and attraction) an acronym for same sex
attraction or same sex attracted; often used interchangeably with the
acronym SGA, though they are technically different as gender is a
social construct that may or may not match an individual's biological
sex.
Transgender-
(used to define identity) the identity of individuals who do not
identify with the gender of their biological sex; may also be used as
an adjective to describe such individuals regardless of whether they
identify as such; often used interchangeably with the term
transsexual, though there are differences, and individuals may prefer
one term over the other.
Transsexual-
(used to define identity) the identity of individuals who do not
identify with the gender of their biological sex; may also be used as
an adjective to describe such individuals regardless of whether they
identify as such; often used interchangeably with the term
transgender, though there are differences, and individuals may prefer
one term over the other.
One more disclaimer about these definitions: These definitions are by no means authoritative or exhaustive. They are my own, and as such, represent my understanding of each of the terms used.
Thanks for reading.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Terminology -Part 2
In my last post, I went over the differences between sexual orientation, sexual identity, sexual attraction and sexual behavior. There are many terms used within each of these categories. Some are frequently used in the wrong context which can lead to confusion between people of different backgrounds.
Originally, I had planned on defining all of these terms in one post. I have found, however, that there are enough terms that defining them all at once would lead to a rather lengthy post. And so I will split the definitions into two separate posts. These posts will define many of the terms used within these categories. The list of terms will not necessarily be complete or exhaustive. They are also not necessarily authoritative. They represent my best understanding of the terms. Some terms are used in multiple categories, while others are used in only one. I will make distinctions as to which category or categories each fit in.
I will list the terms in alphabetical order. This post will cover the first half, while my next post will cover the second half.
Asexual- (used to define orientation, identity and attraction) used to describe a lack of sexual orientation or sexual attractions; also an identity used by those who are not sexuallly attracted to either sex; asexual is not the same as celibacy; those that are asexual may be in romantic or sexual relationships with those of either sex, both sexes, or neither.
Bisexual- (used to define orientation, identity, attraction and behavior) used in orientation and attraction to describe attraction to both sexes; also used as an identity by those who are attracted to both sexes; bisexual is not the same as polyamorous; those that are bisexual may be in romantic or sexual relationships with either sex or both sexes; some that are bisexual are also polysexual or pansexual; can be used as an adjective to describe sexual behavior of an individual with others of both sexes.
Celibate- (used to define behavior) a state of abstaining from sexual behavior; most individuals that choose to be celibate do so for personal or religous reasons; there are many that are SSA or SGA that choose to be celibate; individuals of any sexual orientation or identity may be celibate.
Gay- (used to define identity and behavior) a sexual identity used by men or boys that are sexually attracted to other men or boys (in other words, an identity used by those that are male and attracted to the same sex); also used as an adjective to describe sexual activity between individuals of the same sex; not all men that are attracted to other men identify as gay (some identify as bisexual, SSA, SGA or do not take on a sexual identity); the term gay is frequently used to describe a sexual orientation, though the correct term for the orientation is homosexual.
Heterosexual- (used to define orientation, identity, attraction and behavior) the sexual orientation of individuals attracted only to the opposite sex; a sexual identity used by those attracted only to the opposite sex and frequently used interchangeably with the term straight; also used to describe attractions to the opposite sex and as an adjective to describe sexual behavior between individuals of the opposite sex.
Homosexual- (used to define orientation, identity, attraction and behavior) the sexual orientation of individuals attracted only to the same sex; a sexual identity used by those attracted only to the same sex and frequently used interchangeably with the terms gay (for men) and lesbian (for women); also used to describe attractions to the same sex and as an adjective to describe sexual behavior between individuals of the same sex.
Lesbian- (used to define identity and behavior) a sexual identity used by women or girls that are sexually attracted to other women or girls (in other words, and identity used by those that are female and attracted to the same sex); also used as an adjective to describe sexual activity between women; not all women that are attracted to other women identify as lesbian (some identify as bisexual, SSA, SGA or do not take on a sexual identity); the term lesbian is frequently used to describe a sexual orientation, though the correct term for the orientation is homosexual.
LGBT- (used to define identity) an acronym for Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transexual; at times has other identities, the most common being Questioning, attatched to it; LGBT is often used as an umbrella term to include all those of a sexual identity or orientation that are not heterosexual (or straight), or in other words, an umbrella term for all sexual minorities; in more recent times, used interchangeably with the term queer.
Monogamy- (used to define behavior) in the literal sense, marriage to one spouse; often used more recently to refer to having only one sexual or romantic partner; individuals of any sexual orientation or identity may be monogamous.
Opposite Sex Attraction- (used to define attraction) attraction to the opposite sex (for example, the attraction of those that are male to those that are female, and those that are female to those that are male).
Pansexual- (used to define orientation, identity, attraction and behavior) the sexual orientation of those attracted to all sexes; a sexual identity used by those attracted to all sexes; attraction to all sexes; can be used as an adjective to describe sexual behavior of an individual with others of all sexes; by definition, those of a pansexual orientation are also bisexual (though not all bisexuals are pansexual) and polysexual (and not all polysexuals are pansexual); pansexual is often refered to as being "gender-blind" or attracted to individuals regardless of their sex or gender.
Polyamory- (used to define behavior) the practice of having multiple sexual and/or romantic partners at the same time (with the knowledge and acceptance of all those involved); individuals of any sexual orientation or identity may be polyamorous.
Originally, I had planned on defining all of these terms in one post. I have found, however, that there are enough terms that defining them all at once would lead to a rather lengthy post. And so I will split the definitions into two separate posts. These posts will define many of the terms used within these categories. The list of terms will not necessarily be complete or exhaustive. They are also not necessarily authoritative. They represent my best understanding of the terms. Some terms are used in multiple categories, while others are used in only one. I will make distinctions as to which category or categories each fit in.
I will list the terms in alphabetical order. This post will cover the first half, while my next post will cover the second half.
Asexual- (used to define orientation, identity and attraction) used to describe a lack of sexual orientation or sexual attractions; also an identity used by those who are not sexuallly attracted to either sex; asexual is not the same as celibacy; those that are asexual may be in romantic or sexual relationships with those of either sex, both sexes, or neither.
Bisexual- (used to define orientation, identity, attraction and behavior) used in orientation and attraction to describe attraction to both sexes; also used as an identity by those who are attracted to both sexes; bisexual is not the same as polyamorous; those that are bisexual may be in romantic or sexual relationships with either sex or both sexes; some that are bisexual are also polysexual or pansexual; can be used as an adjective to describe sexual behavior of an individual with others of both sexes.
Celibate- (used to define behavior) a state of abstaining from sexual behavior; most individuals that choose to be celibate do so for personal or religous reasons; there are many that are SSA or SGA that choose to be celibate; individuals of any sexual orientation or identity may be celibate.
Gay- (used to define identity and behavior) a sexual identity used by men or boys that are sexually attracted to other men or boys (in other words, an identity used by those that are male and attracted to the same sex); also used as an adjective to describe sexual activity between individuals of the same sex; not all men that are attracted to other men identify as gay (some identify as bisexual, SSA, SGA or do not take on a sexual identity); the term gay is frequently used to describe a sexual orientation, though the correct term for the orientation is homosexual.
Heterosexual- (used to define orientation, identity, attraction and behavior) the sexual orientation of individuals attracted only to the opposite sex; a sexual identity used by those attracted only to the opposite sex and frequently used interchangeably with the term straight; also used to describe attractions to the opposite sex and as an adjective to describe sexual behavior between individuals of the opposite sex.
Homosexual- (used to define orientation, identity, attraction and behavior) the sexual orientation of individuals attracted only to the same sex; a sexual identity used by those attracted only to the same sex and frequently used interchangeably with the terms gay (for men) and lesbian (for women); also used to describe attractions to the same sex and as an adjective to describe sexual behavior between individuals of the same sex.
Lesbian- (used to define identity and behavior) a sexual identity used by women or girls that are sexually attracted to other women or girls (in other words, and identity used by those that are female and attracted to the same sex); also used as an adjective to describe sexual activity between women; not all women that are attracted to other women identify as lesbian (some identify as bisexual, SSA, SGA or do not take on a sexual identity); the term lesbian is frequently used to describe a sexual orientation, though the correct term for the orientation is homosexual.
LGBT- (used to define identity) an acronym for Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transexual; at times has other identities, the most common being Questioning, attatched to it; LGBT is often used as an umbrella term to include all those of a sexual identity or orientation that are not heterosexual (or straight), or in other words, an umbrella term for all sexual minorities; in more recent times, used interchangeably with the term queer.
Monogamy- (used to define behavior) in the literal sense, marriage to one spouse; often used more recently to refer to having only one sexual or romantic partner; individuals of any sexual orientation or identity may be monogamous.
Opposite Sex Attraction- (used to define attraction) attraction to the opposite sex (for example, the attraction of those that are male to those that are female, and those that are female to those that are male).
Pansexual- (used to define orientation, identity, attraction and behavior) the sexual orientation of those attracted to all sexes; a sexual identity used by those attracted to all sexes; attraction to all sexes; can be used as an adjective to describe sexual behavior of an individual with others of all sexes; by definition, those of a pansexual orientation are also bisexual (though not all bisexuals are pansexual) and polysexual (and not all polysexuals are pansexual); pansexual is often refered to as being "gender-blind" or attracted to individuals regardless of their sex or gender.
Polyamory- (used to define behavior) the practice of having multiple sexual and/or romantic partners at the same time (with the knowledge and acceptance of all those involved); individuals of any sexual orientation or identity may be polyamorous.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Terminology -Part 1
There are a lot of terms used when describing sexuality: gay, straight, lesbian, bisexual, homosexual, heterosexual, trans-gender, same-sex attraction, same-gender attraction, queer, and so on. Some refer to a sexual orientation, others refer to an identity, while others refer to attractions or behaviors.
Some of these terms are frequently used interchangeably by many, even when the terms mean different things. This can lead to confusion when one uses one term in lieu of another. For example, one can engage in homosexual behavior without necessarily identifying as gay or even having a homosexual orientation. Yet they often all get lumped together.
This will be the first of two posts about terminology used when discussing sexuality. The purpose of this post is to define sexual orientation, sexual identity, sexual attraction and sexual behavior.The next blog post will address the different terms used to describe the above listed categories.
Sexual Orientation
Sexual orientation is defined by the American Psychological Association as "an enduring pattern of emotional, romantic and/or sexual attractions to men, women, or both sexes." Sexual orientation is related to sexual identity, sexual attractions, and sexual behavior, but is distinguished from them. For example, an individual could have a homosexual orientation, without a gay identity, without engaging in homosexual behavior, and have the possibility of a variety of types of attractions. Some examples of sexual orientations include: homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, asexual, polysexual and pansexual.
Sexual Identity
Sexual identity is a reference to how and individuals think of themselves in terms of who they are sexually and emotionally attracted to. Sexual identity is related to sexual orientation, but is not the same thing. There are many people that have a homosexual or bisexual orientation that do not identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual.
Sexual identity tends to be more closely related to sexual behavior than to sexual orientation, as the majority of those that identify as homosexual or bisexual have participated in sexual behavior with someone of the same sex. Those with a homosexual or bisexual orientation that don't have a homosexual or bisexual orientation, on the other hand, are less likely to have participated in sexual behavior with someone of the same sex.
There are also some individuals that do not have a sexual identity, some because they may live in a culture that does not not readily use sexual identities, while others because they choose not to take on a sexual identity. In the past, I chose not to take on a sexual identity. I later chose to identify as same-sex attracted, as I didn't like the implications that often seemed to come with a gay or bisexual identity. I am now comfortable identifying as bisexual, as that seems to be the best identity that fits for me.
As sexual identities are how individuals self-identify, there are quite a variety of them. Some examples of sexual identities include: gay, lesbian, bisexual, straight, homosexual, heterosexual, same-sex attracted, queer, and LGBT, just to name a few.
Sexual Attraction
Sexual attraction is both simpler and more complex than sexual orientation and identity. In simple terms, it is the basis of sexual desire. Sexual attraction is closely related to sexual orientation. It should also be noted that also related to sexual attractions are physical, romantic and emotional attractions. Individuals can experience just one of these types of attractions to another individual, or they can experience several or all of them.
Not only can sexual attraction be described as being directed toward the same sex, the opposite sex or to both sexes, it can also be described as being to specific traits or features in others, some of which may be related to the person's sex, while others may not. For some that are bisexual and many that are pansexual, sexual attraction to traits or features is less likely to be related to the sex of the person to whom the individual is attracted.
Sexual Behavior
Sexual behavior refers to sexual activity, and is related to sexual orientation and sexual identity, but is not the same thing. For example, an individual could participate in sexual behavior with someone of the same sex without being homosexual or bisexual, just as one could participate in sexual behavior with someone of the opposite sex without being heterosexual or bisexual.
An individual may participate in sexual behavior with someone of a sex that they are not attracted to for a variety of reasons, including lack of availability of a sexual partner of a sex they are attracted, curiosity, cultural expectations, and a variety of other reason. In short, an individual's sexual behavior, while usually related to sexual orientation and identity, does not always coincide with their orientation or identity.
* * * * *
In two weeks, my post will focus on the specific terms used in the categories I described. Until then, if you have any comments or questions about the terms I have used in this post, feel free to comment or to send me a private message.
Some of these terms are frequently used interchangeably by many, even when the terms mean different things. This can lead to confusion when one uses one term in lieu of another. For example, one can engage in homosexual behavior without necessarily identifying as gay or even having a homosexual orientation. Yet they often all get lumped together.
This will be the first of two posts about terminology used when discussing sexuality. The purpose of this post is to define sexual orientation, sexual identity, sexual attraction and sexual behavior.The next blog post will address the different terms used to describe the above listed categories.
Sexual Orientation
Sexual orientation is defined by the American Psychological Association as "an enduring pattern of emotional, romantic and/or sexual attractions to men, women, or both sexes." Sexual orientation is related to sexual identity, sexual attractions, and sexual behavior, but is distinguished from them. For example, an individual could have a homosexual orientation, without a gay identity, without engaging in homosexual behavior, and have the possibility of a variety of types of attractions. Some examples of sexual orientations include: homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, asexual, polysexual and pansexual.
Sexual Identity
Sexual identity is a reference to how and individuals think of themselves in terms of who they are sexually and emotionally attracted to. Sexual identity is related to sexual orientation, but is not the same thing. There are many people that have a homosexual or bisexual orientation that do not identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual.
Sexual identity tends to be more closely related to sexual behavior than to sexual orientation, as the majority of those that identify as homosexual or bisexual have participated in sexual behavior with someone of the same sex. Those with a homosexual or bisexual orientation that don't have a homosexual or bisexual orientation, on the other hand, are less likely to have participated in sexual behavior with someone of the same sex.
There are also some individuals that do not have a sexual identity, some because they may live in a culture that does not not readily use sexual identities, while others because they choose not to take on a sexual identity. In the past, I chose not to take on a sexual identity. I later chose to identify as same-sex attracted, as I didn't like the implications that often seemed to come with a gay or bisexual identity. I am now comfortable identifying as bisexual, as that seems to be the best identity that fits for me.
As sexual identities are how individuals self-identify, there are quite a variety of them. Some examples of sexual identities include: gay, lesbian, bisexual, straight, homosexual, heterosexual, same-sex attracted, queer, and LGBT, just to name a few.
Sexual Attraction
Sexual attraction is both simpler and more complex than sexual orientation and identity. In simple terms, it is the basis of sexual desire. Sexual attraction is closely related to sexual orientation. It should also be noted that also related to sexual attractions are physical, romantic and emotional attractions. Individuals can experience just one of these types of attractions to another individual, or they can experience several or all of them.
Not only can sexual attraction be described as being directed toward the same sex, the opposite sex or to both sexes, it can also be described as being to specific traits or features in others, some of which may be related to the person's sex, while others may not. For some that are bisexual and many that are pansexual, sexual attraction to traits or features is less likely to be related to the sex of the person to whom the individual is attracted.
Sexual Behavior
Sexual behavior refers to sexual activity, and is related to sexual orientation and sexual identity, but is not the same thing. For example, an individual could participate in sexual behavior with someone of the same sex without being homosexual or bisexual, just as one could participate in sexual behavior with someone of the opposite sex without being heterosexual or bisexual.
An individual may participate in sexual behavior with someone of a sex that they are not attracted to for a variety of reasons, including lack of availability of a sexual partner of a sex they are attracted, curiosity, cultural expectations, and a variety of other reason. In short, an individual's sexual behavior, while usually related to sexual orientation and identity, does not always coincide with their orientation or identity.
* * * * *
In two weeks, my post will focus on the specific terms used in the categories I described. Until then, if you have any comments or questions about the terms I have used in this post, feel free to comment or to send me a private message.
Monday, December 31, 2012
My Story -Part 1
I'm realizing that it's now been several months since I posted the preview for my story and I have yet to share any of my story. I plan to remedy that today by sharing the first part of my story. As of right now, I don't know how many parts of my story there will be. Just keep watching for them, and eventually I will end when I've gotten up to date.
As I start my story, I believe that in order to better know me, it is important to know my family as well. And so I would like to first introduce my parents.
My father, Michael Coon, was born in Salt Lake City, Utah, and grew up, for the most part, in Sandy, Utah. He was the only child that his parents had together. That's not to say he was an only child, as both had been previously married and had children with their former spouses. My grandma's other children also lived with my grandparents when my dad was born, and while he was growing up, so he had siblings around, though the one closest to him in age was nine years older than him.
My dad served an LDS mission in what was at the time the Central Canadian Mission, which mostly covered Alberta and Saskatchewan. He went on to get a degree in Commercial Art from Utah Tradetech (the predecessor to Salt Lake Community College). I consider him to be a very talented artist. He has worked in several different fields through his life, though the majority of it has been spent working in construction (primarily as a drywaller). My dad is also a movie buff, and knows a lot of trivia about movies and actors.
My mother, Cynthia Zobell, was also born in Salt Lake City, and grew up in the Cottonwood area (which has since been incorporated into Murray). She was the third of five children in her family, and the only girl. There was an age difference of several years between her and her next oldest brother, as well as her next youngest brother.
After high school she attended the University of Utah, going on to get a degree in Education with an emphasis in Early Childhood Development. She taught pre-school in our home for several years while her children were still young, later teaching at pre-school programs sponsored by the local district, and once all of her children had started school, she began teaching full-time as an elementary school teacher. I remember growing up that reading was a hobby of hers, and is probably something that I inherited from her.
My parents first met on a blind date. They dated for several months before being engaged. After a several month long engagement, they married in the Salt Lake Temple. They lived in a couple of different apartments in the year or so after they were first married, and by the time I was born a year and a half later, they had bought a home in Kearns, Utah.
My parents first started trying to have children soon after they were married. My mom's first two pregnancies ended in miscairrages, which was heartbreaking for both of my parents, but even more so for my mom. After the miscairrages, they took a break for a while to recover from the experiences. On their next attempt, I was concieved, and I was born a little over a year and a half after they married. My birth was welcome for this young family, but was not without its challenges.
My birth was not an easy one. I was a week overdue and weighed over nine pounds, which was quite challenging for a first-time mother to deliver. I also experienced some head trauma during my delivery, and had seizures during the first month or so of my life. I was fortunate that they stopped after that.
Beyond that, my infancy was probably unremarkable in most ways (though my parents might disagree, as raising the first child in a family generally tends to be an adventure). At any rate, I don't remember much of my "toddlerhood." My first memories start around the time I was two years old, and also coincide with the birth of my brother, Matt.
* * * * *
Though I have only gotten to the age of two years old, this seems like a good stopping point for now (though you can also blame it on the fact that I waited until it was rather late in the day to start writing this post). But I will continue on with my story in the coming weeks and months.
As this is my last blog post of the year, and it is New Year's Eve, I'd like to wish you a Happy New Year! I'll end with the following quote that I came across earlier today:
"Whether we want them or not, the New Year will bring new challenges; whether we seize them or not, the New Year will bring new opportunities."
May we all learn and grow from these challenges and opportunities that come with the New Year.
As I start my story, I believe that in order to better know me, it is important to know my family as well. And so I would like to first introduce my parents.
My father, Michael Coon, was born in Salt Lake City, Utah, and grew up, for the most part, in Sandy, Utah. He was the only child that his parents had together. That's not to say he was an only child, as both had been previously married and had children with their former spouses. My grandma's other children also lived with my grandparents when my dad was born, and while he was growing up, so he had siblings around, though the one closest to him in age was nine years older than him.
My dad served an LDS mission in what was at the time the Central Canadian Mission, which mostly covered Alberta and Saskatchewan. He went on to get a degree in Commercial Art from Utah Tradetech (the predecessor to Salt Lake Community College). I consider him to be a very talented artist. He has worked in several different fields through his life, though the majority of it has been spent working in construction (primarily as a drywaller). My dad is also a movie buff, and knows a lot of trivia about movies and actors.
My mother, Cynthia Zobell, was also born in Salt Lake City, and grew up in the Cottonwood area (which has since been incorporated into Murray). She was the third of five children in her family, and the only girl. There was an age difference of several years between her and her next oldest brother, as well as her next youngest brother.
After high school she attended the University of Utah, going on to get a degree in Education with an emphasis in Early Childhood Development. She taught pre-school in our home for several years while her children were still young, later teaching at pre-school programs sponsored by the local district, and once all of her children had started school, she began teaching full-time as an elementary school teacher. I remember growing up that reading was a hobby of hers, and is probably something that I inherited from her.
My parents first met on a blind date. They dated for several months before being engaged. After a several month long engagement, they married in the Salt Lake Temple. They lived in a couple of different apartments in the year or so after they were first married, and by the time I was born a year and a half later, they had bought a home in Kearns, Utah.
My parents first started trying to have children soon after they were married. My mom's first two pregnancies ended in miscairrages, which was heartbreaking for both of my parents, but even more so for my mom. After the miscairrages, they took a break for a while to recover from the experiences. On their next attempt, I was concieved, and I was born a little over a year and a half after they married. My birth was welcome for this young family, but was not without its challenges.
My birth was not an easy one. I was a week overdue and weighed over nine pounds, which was quite challenging for a first-time mother to deliver. I also experienced some head trauma during my delivery, and had seizures during the first month or so of my life. I was fortunate that they stopped after that.
Beyond that, my infancy was probably unremarkable in most ways (though my parents might disagree, as raising the first child in a family generally tends to be an adventure). At any rate, I don't remember much of my "toddlerhood." My first memories start around the time I was two years old, and also coincide with the birth of my brother, Matt.
* * * * *
Though I have only gotten to the age of two years old, this seems like a good stopping point for now (though you can also blame it on the fact that I waited until it was rather late in the day to start writing this post). But I will continue on with my story in the coming weeks and months.
As this is my last blog post of the year, and it is New Year's Eve, I'd like to wish you a Happy New Year! I'll end with the following quote that I came across earlier today:
"Whether we want them or not, the New Year will bring new challenges; whether we seize them or not, the New Year will bring new opportunities."
May we all learn and grow from these challenges and opportunities that come with the New Year.
Monday, December 17, 2012
New LDS Website and Dialogue Within the Church
Earlier this month, the LDS Church launched a new website at the URL www.mormonsandgays.com. The site is titled, "Love One Another: A Discussion on Same-Sex Attraction." Overall, I have been impressed with this new website, which is landmark for the Church in several ways.
First, this is one of the first times that a statement by the Church or representatives of the Church have referred to gays and lesbians without being prefaced with "so-called" or "those that refer to themselves as" or something similar along those lines. I am pleased to see that the Church has learned to be more respectful in discussions with and about gays and lesbians. Some statements made in the past have sounded demeaning or offensive to people that embrace a gay identity. It's nice to see the Church changing the language used around this issue.
Second, this website encourages respect and inclusion of gay family members and others that make different choices concerning their sexuality than the Church counsels. In one of the videos posted on the website, Elder Quentin L. Cook of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles says, "let us be at the forefront in terms of expressing love, compassion and outreach...and...not have families exclude or be disrespectful of those who choose a different lifestyle."
Third, as also shown by Elder Cook's quote, the Church is encouraging members to reach out with love and compassion to gays and lesbians, as well as "respond[ing] sensitively and thoughtfully when they encounter same-sex attraction in their own families, among other Church members, or elsewhere." Although calling for compassion and love towards gays and lesbians is not completely new for the Church, this is the first time that this much emphasis has been placed on it.
That being said, I believe there is still room for improvement in how the Church approaches the subject. Some of the wording used in the website, while better than before, can still come off as demeaning to gays and lesbians. Some of this is due to the terminology used (and I could write a whole post just on terminology, and likely will some time soon), though some of it is just using a poor or awkward choice of words.
The website does emphasize that the doctrine concerning expression of sexuality remains the same. Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles says in one of the videos posted on the website, "the doctrine of the Church, that sexual activity should only occur between a man and a woman who are married, has not changed and is not changing. But what is changing and what needs to change is to help our own members and families understand how to deal with same gender attraction." The change that Elder Oaks refers to is much of what I've mentioned above: inclusion and respect of gay family members and others who choose not to follow the Church doctrine around sexuality, as well as increasing understanding among members of the Church that same-sex attraction itself is not chosen and is not sinful.
As regular readers of my blog will know, I am quite open about my sexuality. There is one place, however, where I have not been very open about it, and that is in my own ward. I have made my bishop and several others in leadership in my ward aware of my sexuality, but I haven't been open with my ward at large, because I haven't been sure how well members of my ward understand same-sex attraction. I haven't felt completely safe revealing this aspect of my life at church, though I should also state that this is in part due to the fact that I am still relatively new in my ward and haven't had the time to get to know very many members of my ward.
My hope is that as the discussion and dialogue around homosexuality increases in the Church (and as I get to know and trust the members of my ward) that I will find it safe to discuss my sexuality within my ward. Many members of wards that I have attended in the past have learned about my sexuality when I came out publicly earlier this year. Many responded to me with love and support. My hope is that I will receive the same type of response when I share this with my current ward (whenever that might be).
If you have any thoughts or insights on this new website or on dialogue within the Church concerning homosexuality, please share it with a comment. Let's keep the discussion going.
And as this is my last blog post before Christmas, I also want to take the time to wish all of you a Merry Christmas and an enjoyable holiday season! Best wishes to all of you.
First, this is one of the first times that a statement by the Church or representatives of the Church have referred to gays and lesbians without being prefaced with "so-called" or "those that refer to themselves as" or something similar along those lines. I am pleased to see that the Church has learned to be more respectful in discussions with and about gays and lesbians. Some statements made in the past have sounded demeaning or offensive to people that embrace a gay identity. It's nice to see the Church changing the language used around this issue.
Second, this website encourages respect and inclusion of gay family members and others that make different choices concerning their sexuality than the Church counsels. In one of the videos posted on the website, Elder Quentin L. Cook of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles says, "let us be at the forefront in terms of expressing love, compassion and outreach...and...not have families exclude or be disrespectful of those who choose a different lifestyle."
Third, as also shown by Elder Cook's quote, the Church is encouraging members to reach out with love and compassion to gays and lesbians, as well as "respond[ing] sensitively and thoughtfully when they encounter same-sex attraction in their own families, among other Church members, or elsewhere." Although calling for compassion and love towards gays and lesbians is not completely new for the Church, this is the first time that this much emphasis has been placed on it.
That being said, I believe there is still room for improvement in how the Church approaches the subject. Some of the wording used in the website, while better than before, can still come off as demeaning to gays and lesbians. Some of this is due to the terminology used (and I could write a whole post just on terminology, and likely will some time soon), though some of it is just using a poor or awkward choice of words.
The website does emphasize that the doctrine concerning expression of sexuality remains the same. Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles says in one of the videos posted on the website, "the doctrine of the Church, that sexual activity should only occur between a man and a woman who are married, has not changed and is not changing. But what is changing and what needs to change is to help our own members and families understand how to deal with same gender attraction." The change that Elder Oaks refers to is much of what I've mentioned above: inclusion and respect of gay family members and others who choose not to follow the Church doctrine around sexuality, as well as increasing understanding among members of the Church that same-sex attraction itself is not chosen and is not sinful.
As regular readers of my blog will know, I am quite open about my sexuality. There is one place, however, where I have not been very open about it, and that is in my own ward. I have made my bishop and several others in leadership in my ward aware of my sexuality, but I haven't been open with my ward at large, because I haven't been sure how well members of my ward understand same-sex attraction. I haven't felt completely safe revealing this aspect of my life at church, though I should also state that this is in part due to the fact that I am still relatively new in my ward and haven't had the time to get to know very many members of my ward.
My hope is that as the discussion and dialogue around homosexuality increases in the Church (and as I get to know and trust the members of my ward) that I will find it safe to discuss my sexuality within my ward. Many members of wards that I have attended in the past have learned about my sexuality when I came out publicly earlier this year. Many responded to me with love and support. My hope is that I will receive the same type of response when I share this with my current ward (whenever that might be).
If you have any thoughts or insights on this new website or on dialogue within the Church concerning homosexuality, please share it with a comment. Let's keep the discussion going.
And as this is my last blog post before Christmas, I also want to take the time to wish all of you a Merry Christmas and an enjoyable holiday season! Best wishes to all of you.
Monday, December 3, 2012
A Brief Introduction to Change
This blog post will address what is likely the most controversial topic that I've discussed so far.
Last week, four men filed a lawsuit in New Jersey against a group that offers sexual orientation change therapy (SOCT). It was reported in the New York Times and was the topic of a radio show here in Salt Lake City.
In addition, SOCT was recently banned for the treatment of minors in California (as reported by the San Francisco Chronicle), and was also recently the topic of Dr. Oz's talk show.
Many people have very strong feelings both in favor and against it. Those in favor of it say that it is a valid option for those dissatisfied with their sexual orientations and that individuals have the right to choose it. Those opposed to it say that it is dangerous, entirely ineffective, and causes far more harm than good.
I touched on this briefly in my last blog post. As I said before, the only way to have a respectful dialogue is to allow all voices to be heard.
This is also a topic that I find myself somewhere in the middle. I have some experience going through such therapy. I personally did not find it effective in changing my sexual orientation, though I also do not see myself as being harmed by it. In fact, I learned a great deal about myself while going through therapy.
Having done research over the years, and through experiences with support and therapy groups, my views on SOCT and any other sexual orientation change effort (SOCE, which is not always limited to a therapeutic setting) have evolved. Homosexuality is a complex subject that is about far more than just sex, or even sexual attraction. It also involves emotional and social aspects. My personal belief about those who experience a diminishment in their attractions or change their sexual orientation is that they are those who have learned to re-frame their attractions and fill the emotional and social aspects of them, which in turn diminishes the sexual aspect of the attractions.
From my own personal experience with this, as well as what I have seen with others, it works only as long as the attractions remain viewed as being emotional and social and those aspects of them are filled. As long as they are, they sexual aspect of them can remain diminished, at times (for some) even to the point that they disappear. But when those aspects are no longer filled, the sexual aspect of the attractions will increase again. I see those that claim success as those that have learned to permanently and regularly keep the emotional and social aspects of their same-sex attractions filled. I also think the ability of individuals to do so varies greatly.
I tend to think that sexuality is much more fluid than a lot of people believe, and a lot less so than others believe. There do seem to be some people who have achieved change through therapy, as well as those who spontaneously change without even intending to do so. There are some cases of drastic change, as well as many more of some smaller shift.
I also believe that the word "change" is often a loaded word when speaking about sexual orientation or attractions. Two people can be speaking of change and mean very different things. Some only see successful change as a complete and permanent shift from exclusively homosexual attractions (or an exclusively homosexual orientation) to exclusively heterosexual attraction (or an exclusively heterosexual orientation). Others just see a lasting change is sexual behaviors as successful change. And then there's everything in between. I find it very frustrating when individuals argue about change without being clear on what definition of change they are using. This often only results in speaking past each other and results in further misunderstanding.
Those are my thoughts on what SOCE and change are, take them for what they are. I don't personally expect such a change in myself, nor do I see it as necessary. I do, however, find fulfillment in forming emotional connections and having social interaction with other men. It doesn't make me straight, but when I do so regularly, it does seem to take the edge off of the sexual aspect of my homosexual attractions.
As far as the controversy over SOCT itself, I will say that while I am an avid advocate of self-determination when it comes to choices around sexuality, I do believe that there are a number that practice SOCT that don't do well at practicing informed consent (which explains the lawsuit). If those that practice this type of therapy were more clear on what change means, as well as what kind of change is realistic, it would save a lot of problems all around (to say the least).
As I said, SOCE is a very controversial topic, and I know I have only just begun to touch on it. There is a strong possibility I will have more posts on SOCE and change in the future. My hope is that this brief introduction has been enlightening to those that are not familiar with it, and opens the gates for respectful dialogue for those that do have varying views on it.
Last week, four men filed a lawsuit in New Jersey against a group that offers sexual orientation change therapy (SOCT). It was reported in the New York Times and was the topic of a radio show here in Salt Lake City.
In addition, SOCT was recently banned for the treatment of minors in California (as reported by the San Francisco Chronicle), and was also recently the topic of Dr. Oz's talk show.
Many people have very strong feelings both in favor and against it. Those in favor of it say that it is a valid option for those dissatisfied with their sexual orientations and that individuals have the right to choose it. Those opposed to it say that it is dangerous, entirely ineffective, and causes far more harm than good.
I touched on this briefly in my last blog post. As I said before, the only way to have a respectful dialogue is to allow all voices to be heard.
This is also a topic that I find myself somewhere in the middle. I have some experience going through such therapy. I personally did not find it effective in changing my sexual orientation, though I also do not see myself as being harmed by it. In fact, I learned a great deal about myself while going through therapy.
Having done research over the years, and through experiences with support and therapy groups, my views on SOCT and any other sexual orientation change effort (SOCE, which is not always limited to a therapeutic setting) have evolved. Homosexuality is a complex subject that is about far more than just sex, or even sexual attraction. It also involves emotional and social aspects. My personal belief about those who experience a diminishment in their attractions or change their sexual orientation is that they are those who have learned to re-frame their attractions and fill the emotional and social aspects of them, which in turn diminishes the sexual aspect of the attractions.
From my own personal experience with this, as well as what I have seen with others, it works only as long as the attractions remain viewed as being emotional and social and those aspects of them are filled. As long as they are, they sexual aspect of them can remain diminished, at times (for some) even to the point that they disappear. But when those aspects are no longer filled, the sexual aspect of the attractions will increase again. I see those that claim success as those that have learned to permanently and regularly keep the emotional and social aspects of their same-sex attractions filled. I also think the ability of individuals to do so varies greatly.
I tend to think that sexuality is much more fluid than a lot of people believe, and a lot less so than others believe. There do seem to be some people who have achieved change through therapy, as well as those who spontaneously change without even intending to do so. There are some cases of drastic change, as well as many more of some smaller shift.
I also believe that the word "change" is often a loaded word when speaking about sexual orientation or attractions. Two people can be speaking of change and mean very different things. Some only see successful change as a complete and permanent shift from exclusively homosexual attractions (or an exclusively homosexual orientation) to exclusively heterosexual attraction (or an exclusively heterosexual orientation). Others just see a lasting change is sexual behaviors as successful change. And then there's everything in between. I find it very frustrating when individuals argue about change without being clear on what definition of change they are using. This often only results in speaking past each other and results in further misunderstanding.
Those are my thoughts on what SOCE and change are, take them for what they are. I don't personally expect such a change in myself, nor do I see it as necessary. I do, however, find fulfillment in forming emotional connections and having social interaction with other men. It doesn't make me straight, but when I do so regularly, it does seem to take the edge off of the sexual aspect of my homosexual attractions.
As far as the controversy over SOCT itself, I will say that while I am an avid advocate of self-determination when it comes to choices around sexuality, I do believe that there are a number that practice SOCT that don't do well at practicing informed consent (which explains the lawsuit). If those that practice this type of therapy were more clear on what change means, as well as what kind of change is realistic, it would save a lot of problems all around (to say the least).
As I said, SOCE is a very controversial topic, and I know I have only just begun to touch on it. There is a strong possibility I will have more posts on SOCE and change in the future. My hope is that this brief introduction has been enlightening to those that are not familiar with it, and opens the gates for respectful dialogue for those that do have varying views on it.
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